Thursday, 30 May 2013

Nothing's perfect, but I'm hoping that you'll do.

I'm not entirely sure where this post is going to go to be honest. I've never liked being too personal on my blog; obviously I do share some things, but I tend to not pour my heart out too much. But it's got to a point now that my personal life is affecting my blogging in such a way that I feel I owe you all an explanation.

Basic point: I don't blog very frequently anymore because I'm not very happy in my own life. I really don't want to come across as a complete misery guts here, because in many ways I am very blessed; I finally live with my boyfriend, we have our own place and I am employed. But its a lot more complicated than that, and I'm not really sure where to start.

I suppose in regards to blogging, it boils down to the fact that I don't feel creative anymore. I don't do much drawing, or reading, or sewing in my spare time. I've never been very good at getting myself out of a rut, and if I'm feeling down about one thing it tends to effect all areas of my life. Instead of channelling my efforts into something else, I tend to get caught up in self-pity and criticism. I recently had an interview for a proper graduate job, but unfortunately I didn't get it. I'm still really disappointed about it, because there were lots of things about it that made me feel like it really was the right time for me.

I guess all of this is coming off the back of that job rejection really. I just feel completely out of control in practically every area of my life at the moment. But I just wanted to explain myself properly rather than fob you off with excuses of being busy and forgetting, because that's not really the reason why I'm not blogging. Obviously my uniform is a problem so I simply can't do the amount of outfit posts that I used to, so I really need to learn to incorporate other things into the blog. Every time though I sit down at my laptop to try and write something different I just feel tied down by the expectations my readers have. My blog has been so based around outfit posts for so long I just worry that people won't want it to be more of a lifestyle type blog. This isn't to say I haven't been taking outfit photos at all; I have a huge stash on my camera but I just feel so unconfident in terms of my body and my writing that I haven't shared them.

I'm also not engaging with the blogging community very well anymore. This might sound daft, but since getting a smartphone I find I don't comment as much; I tend to read blog posts on my way to work but don't want to comment on my phone's tiny keyboard! I'm going to try and make a real effort to get myself back into the swing of things comment wise.

And I suppose as well, blogging wise. I know I have tried several times to do different types of posts, but I am now just going to do them without worrying about people's expectations. I'm not promising anything amazing, so please bear with me. I'm trying to not focus so much on the things that are bothering me and trying to focus my energy into some more creative endeavours which will make me happy, and hopefully more employable! I'm actually going home for the weekend as well so I'm hoping some time with my family and my cats will help.

Apologies if this has bored you, but like I said, I felt you all needed to know what's been up with me the past few months. I'll hopefully see you on the other side.


1 comment:

  1. Hattie <3 <3 <3

    Sending loads of hugs your way, sorry you didn't get the job, did they give you any feedback? I love all the different kinds of posts but I know what you mean about losing your mojo, maybe start by committing to blogging once a week or something?

    Maria xxxx

    ReplyDelete

You have no idea how smiley receiving this comment will make me- care to share some ramblings in response?